Live Well
367 days ago Kristi and I had friends over for pizza and football. After living in our current house for just over three years this was the day I faced a serious man sized dilemma. Where to watch the game?
The easy answer would be the TV in the basement, at 40" it is the largest in the house, and the previous owners surround sound install would add extra excitement to the game. Yet with five kids and a 1.5 year old (he's a kid too I suppose so 6 kids) toddling about, the basement was likely to be the high traffic area in the house. Not super conducive to watching football or carrying on conversations. The bedroom TV would be just as good, minus the surround sound, and it would also be great because the doors can close to keep the kids out. After some consideration I deemed the bedroom TV to be no good as I just simply couldn't handle the picture of my friend and I sitting hip to hip in the bed my wife and I share. Down to the iMac we use for Netflix in the family room. Once upon a time I had a dongle that allowed me to plug a coax cable into the computer so I could watch (AND RECORD LIVE TV PEOPLE!!!!!) to my computer. I wasn't sure if I had the license to use it any longer, but avoiding pillow talk during the game was worth the effort. As luck would have it, I was able to get what I needed to watch the Michigan game in the family room, with the wives, away from the kids. Win, win, and win.
I don't recall much about the game beyond the fact that Michigan won, though they didn't look great doing so. I do remember a lame targeting call against Michigan that was discussed, I'm assuming we talked adoption, school, kids, upcoming vacation plans, and the usual family discussion you'd expect on a beautiful fall Saturday afternoon. We may have even discussed a trip out west in 2017 or 2018 with our families in tow. I've still not given up on the idea.
I also remember purchasing a 4-pack of Bell's Two Hearted IPA because I knew my friend really liked that particular beverage, and I wasn't opposed to having one my self during the game. As half-time (and dinner time) neared we placed an order for pizza at Vitale's in Zeeland and paused the game (RECORD LIVE TV!!!). I drove to get our pizza and the small talk continued. That last meaningful conversation I remember is a discussion on a local school's soccer team and how the Freshmen team is consistently amazing, yet their variety team is consistently mediocre. I joked that perhaps it was due to socio-economic status, and the need for the older students to work. I concluded it would be a fun thing to study, my friend probably agreed to get me to stop talking and on we went. As we split the bill at Vitale's I'm quite certain I was about $2.00 short of being even. Knowing my friend was tight enough to pinch a snot rocket out of a Lincoln penny, I offered what I had to make things right. He responded by telling me he'd just have one more of my Two Hearted and call it even.
The night progressed, the game was won, pizza was eaten, dessert was devoured, and everybody went to bed well fed, happy, and healthy.
Sunday. Church. Nap. Dinner. Bed. Ok, maybe we went outside and did fun outdoor stuff on a beautiful fall afternoon, but I don't remember and looking it up in my health app seems narcissistic. Although I wouldn't be surprised if I went to see one of my mentors, Captain Sundae.
365 days ago. Monday. I woke up and got ready for work, kissed the wife and kids good bye and headed to the office. My drive is 7-10 minutes long and to date the biggest hazards have been wild turkeys, and unconfirmed cell phone usage by me. I don't recall exactly what was happening that morning, but I do remember feeling busy or that the day was not going well. Little did I know that roughly 10 minutes before I left my house for work, the same friend that sat on the couch across from me was in an accident on his way to work. Sometime after 9:00am I got a text from Kristi that said "Please pray, friend has been in a serious accident". Huh. That stinks. Really stinks. Honestly my first, and fallen reaction, was something to the effect of hoping my friend was ok, thinking my friend was ok, but also thinking it wasn't surprising. He kind of has a history of car accidents, bumps, dings, and bruises. Although none of them serious, so this was new. The updates continued to come in throughout the day, none of them super positive, but none conclusively negative. I figured God would pull my friend through, he'd have a rough path to recovery, but eventually all would be well again.
That night after work we ate, put the kids to bed, and settled in for a quiet evening at home. The reports from the hospital were still inconclusive, and I was super hesitant to visit. What was the point? Thankfully my wife is a better person than I and off we went. There is a small story about parking at Spectrum in Grand Rapids that pretty much amounts to us parking in the wrong garage all together and not really understanding how to get to the hospital room to visit... we made it to what I will call the 3rd floor (could be 3th, 5th, 7th, I know not 1st or 2nd) and made our way to the waiting room. We met and hugged friends, our friend's wife, and then we went to see him in his room. I could be combining two days or emotions, but I don't think anyone will care. I remember standing outside the room and reading the vitals (I watched ER AND stayed at a Holiday Inn Express) on the monitors at the nurses station. I also seem to recall the Tigers were playing meaningful baseball, but I could be wrong. My friend is a die hard Tigers fan so I thought maybe he'd heal up in time to watch the Tigers move on to the playoffs. The vitals were interesting, they looked healthy. They looked stable, and to me they looked hopeful. Kristi and I didn't stay too long, just long enough to say hello, get a grasp of what reality was at the time, and back home we went. Hopeful.
Tuesday. The reports Tuesday were not as good. I think it was Tuesday anyway... My friend's brain wasn't doing a whole lot. His body (I think) responded to pricks in the feet, but the brain wasn't active. Two different neurosurgeons visited without speaking to each other and came to the same conclusion. My friend's brain was dead. He was gone.
A year later I still think of him when I look at the poorly hidden antenna cable sticking out of the back of my iMac. The only reason it is there is so we could watch the football game. I still smile when I think about the borderline inappropriate comment that we should study why the local high school's soccer team digresses as the players progress through school. I still have the last can of Two Hearted from that 4-pack I bought just so I had a respectable offering for him that afternoon (He's not high maintenance, I just like to be a good host).
Oh, before I end this post... I do need to say that my friend was a man. He was a great man who had an impact on many people's lives, but he was still a man. He did man things like leaving dirty socks on the ground, forgetting to put the toilet seat down, and giving his compliments to the chef without using his words. There, I said it.
So what? I have no idea. I have about 13 blog posts in my head that I want to share, but taking you through the minutia of my late September 2016 seemed like good therapy for me as I remember my friend, Kevin, who left his earthly home a year ago today and entered in to his eternal home in Heaven. It seems to me that Kevin was intentional about a lot of things in his life. If there is anything I feel comfortable saying to make this post have a point it would be that you should be intentional too. Be intentional about your faith, your family, and your fun. And to cheese it up a bit... Live well so that you can finish well, whenever God calls you home.
Things that I did today - 08/27/2017
If you've been waiting for a brilliant update on the blog... you'll be disappointed. I just think this might be better suited to save here than on the Facebooks. Photo credit to my mom for not only using landscape mode, but also for getting all four kids doing the same thing at the same time.
Things that I did today, mostly because adoption.
- Woke up at 7:03 wondering if today is the day the kids learn to sleep in. They didn't.
- Wrestled a half naked child who didn't want to put on clean pants.
- Shouted "NO" repeatedly like it would make a difference.
- Made frequent visits to the bathroom to avoid hearing "I have to go potty" somewhere in the back 40, far from civilization, and not willing to risk that it is just a #1.
- Walked briskly like I was being followed to avoid being seen on the way out of nursery door.
- Knowingly let a kid walk down steps in a swimming pool because using words wasn't going to teach a lesson.
- Saved a kid from drowning because he didn't know his limits going down the steps in a pool.
- Rode a pink scooter. No, there are not any pictures.
- Stopped at an otherwise avoidable gas station to buy a Cherry Coke... because I had to stop for someone to use the toilet and it required a key on a stick.
- Carried a child wearing nothing but a t-shirt (as pants) out of a church because said child had that large of an "issue" prior to making it to the commode.
- Speaking of commode... I really just wanted to write this post so I could say that Central Wesleyan Church has incredible plumbing. In an attempt to clean some super hero briefs, the toilet sucked them down the pipe never to be seen again. Subsequent flushes assured me that no flooding will (immediately) result of my loose grip. Thankfully the pants I rinsed did not follow along.
- Gave three kids a total of four baths because I couldn't tell the difference between a milk spill... and not a milk spill.
- Was reminded that for all the stress, bathroom adventures, and unknowns that are face each day that little boy sure is a handsome fella' and I'm glad he's ours.
It's gonna be ok.
tl;dr Josh is getting fat, still adjusting, life is good, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda, Josh has MRI appointments on the 8th of May so check back then.
Oh for those of you not hip and jiggy with it tl;dr means something like "Too long didn't read". Brevity isn't my strong suit, unless you ask me face to face about my feelings.
I'd like to think that between the wife and I people are reading up on these blogs to hear our story and to hear a little bit of honesty as we get up each day and put one foot in front of another. As I start this blog I'm feeling like letting loose a few frustrations... I'm a little ADD so I may never get there but you can consider that fair warning.
Tonight after a long day of fighting and fighting and fighting with a girl named Cortana (she won by the way) I came home, late as usual, to a rushed dinner followed by a post adoption report. That's a fancy term for an agency check up to make sure that Joshua and our family are still doing "well" however that is defined. The short answer is of course we are doing well, what'd you expect? Kristi has things under control and I just try to get my dirty clothes from the floor to the hamper once a week. What's to report on? Truth be told I'm sure there are big words like regulations, and policies, and procedures, and guidelines that we are supposed to meet... I think we are doing alright by those measures. In the course of the evening Kristi mentioned that the one thing she wished she had more of was a lap. Which is interesting since we are both trying to count a few calories and exercise on a regular basis, but I'd have to agree with her. One thing I desperately miss about new borns is that every once in a while you can put them in a bassinet, a car seat, or a bouncer and walk away to focus on the other kids. Brining an energetic, possessive, growing, and likely scared four year old into the house is a different story. He can't even sit still on the toilet.
For those keeping track that is a subtle way to say I had a rough day at work, followed by an unusual night, and quite honestly I'm tired of it. End of feeling sorry for myself. What is interesting though is that something happened today while I was still at work that caused my eldest daughter to share some of the same feelings. The short story is she was trying to play with Madeleine and Joshua, but she kept being distracted by one or the other and felt totally unable to fulfill either of their needs. Welcome to parenthood kid. At eight years old she has fallen into the feeling of being inadequate... now that I write that it seems worse than when it was just in my head. She's feeling inadequate in the sense that she wants to be a good sister to her younger siblings and she simply doesn't have the ability (lap space) to pull it off. Being the good dad I am I leveled her with a good "how do you think I feel when you keep asking me to jump with just you on the trampoline?" question. She said "Oh". But (can I start with but?) that's the cool thing, she gets it. Once that was over I could tell her it was OK to feel that way and I really think it is. It is ok to feel overwhelmed. It is ok to feel like you are not quite doing enough to make the right people (not everyone) happy. It isn't really ok though to feel like you are not enough. That's probably pretty heady for an 8-year old, I know I struggle with it myself.
Kayleigh, is not enough. I, am not enough. Kristi is pretty amazing but she too is not enough. And (a but and an and grammar police are on their way) that's ok. By no means is this a cop-out to being a lousy parent, that would just be wrong. I'm not enough. I had a draining day at the factory, I don't want to talk to new faces but here they are in my house, I can't understand one of my kids, I understand why but don't appreciate why my other kids are acting up, I just can't do this any longer. Sigh. Deep breath. Back on my feet. If I haven't said it enough yet, it is ok to have feelings. I suppose this is the time where I'm supposed to sigh, take the deep breath, and say a prayer for the strength to get through it.
I told Kayleigh it will get better and I truly believe that. God has a way of reminding you once in a while that you alone aren't enough and I'm probably in need of a little perspective reset. Things with Josh have been really really good. He plays fairly well with his siblings, and I'm told his receptive language is coming along nicely. That means he hears things and can obey/understand even if he can't reproduce the words verbally. Josh turned four on the 29th of April and he got the Van Dyk birthday date treatment. Josh was dedicated at church on the 30th and got the extended family treatment. He even goes to nursery on Sunday mornings and only tries to break out once! Although because of that I have no excuse for why I can't recall the message as soon as I walk out the door. We are progressing and that is all we can ask for.
I think that is it. I just said a lot of words to say it is ok if you don't feel perfect or (gasp) aren't perfect. God will give you the strength to carry on and He already knows you aren't perfect so who are you fooling really? I will now try to cheer you up with pictures of children. OH!!! I forgot to mention, as if you didn't know, Madeleine broke her arm! I'll share the story another time but that is why you see the sling and cast. She'll be fine, chalk it up to growing pains.
Money Talks
Hello. It's me. I've been wondering if after all two weeks you really want to read my little story. I'll give out five SVD bonus points to any person over 45 who read that opening sentence and said "Hmmm that sounds familiar". I could probably get away with 38 and under but I'm stingy with my fake bonus points.
I had meant to blog at least once a week but something happened last weekend that that got in the way. Life. It does that sometimes. Hopefully someday I can share all the cool things that have happened in the last two weeks, especially the events of Easter weekend but I think tonight I'd like about money.
“Come on, come on, love me for the money
Come on, come on, listen to the moneytalk”
I should hand out another 5 bonus points for anyone under 45 who can name that tune... but I digress.
First a little house cleaning. Up on the Pure Charity site we have a ticker that was at $35,000 but I just dropped it to $20,000. The truth is we have all of our to date expenses covered, and there are some checks that have come in that aren't reflected in the ticker. Does that means we are all set? Of course not, there are medical expenses and related costs that are sure to come up, we just don't know what they are yet. If you still feel inclined to give, we'll feel inclined to accept and say thank you, but we felt it was time to update you on our status... we are home, we're doing fine, and we didn't have to mortgage the farm to make it happen. (Figure of speech, we don't own a farm).
With that said I'd like to share some money stories and tell you how the money has spoken in our lives. I can assure you that our experiences with money are much different than those spoken about by Young, Johnson, and Young.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
If you use Google to define Prosper I really like the "archaic" definition that means to "make successful". I like it because success is not easily defined. Somedays getting out of bed and buckling my pants in the front is success. Other days I somehow manage to navigate putting four kids to bed without lighting anything on fire. So let's just define success as some type of positive result, even if it is as simple as picking up a penny on the ground. It is important to me that this is fairly well defined because I don't want to come across as being someone who is spouting off about the "Prosperity Theology" or anything of that ilk. I know only enough about that to be dangerous, but it seems like the financial equivalent of doing only good deeds to get into heaven, an if I do this then that type deal. That is not what I'm talking about (Willis) because I think that makes this too simple. Nor am I talking about karma, or what goes around comes around, or ____________________ (I figured something new just came out so you can fill it in yourself, like a choose your own adventure or mad lib). Nope, I want to talk about trusting in God. End of story. So with that booooooring setup story telling shall commence.
Since returning home from China with our combustible bundle of joy we've been working to adjust the budget accordingly. This has proven to be just a hair difficult as the pantry was bare when we returned and Joshua's (and everyone else for that matter) had stomachs to match. I think we are entering the phase in parenting where food comes in the back door and magically disappears before making it to the pantry. At least the kids haven't found my ice cream... In the midst of this we had the opportunity to show support for a friend's fundraiser and we were told we could do so at cost. This seems great because we get all the recognition for none of the markup, cost, or joy of giving to a worthy cause. Kristi and I talked it over and decided that even though spending wasn't on the top of the list, we were going to give fully so that we could help support our friends. Total cost of the donation was around $50.00. Not a bank breaker by any means, but certainly worth a few groceries. We chose other's over us and decided that God would prosper (make successful) us if and when needed.
As Kristi wrote the check there were a few things happening elsewhere.
- A friend's mom and dad must have been following along with the blog, or talking with our friend, or somehow keeping in touch with our story. I know for a fact that this family was an early supporter of our adoption, and honestly we haven't had much contact with them since we started the process. That very same day, within an hour or two, they donated again more than covering what we spent to support our friends.
- Later that same day we had a mini-family reunion where Josh was blessed with a fantastic (and if you are reading much different i.e. better version) Paddington Bear storybook and CD. Receiving a welcome gift from family was the furthest thing from my mind that evening but nevertheless it happened. And my thankfulness meter goes up.
- Not to be outdone two other members of my extended family tag-teamed a delectable gift to our local ice cream shop. Actually they just gave us a piece of paper which turned out to taste awful, but on the paper was written that we get ice cream... lots and lots and lots of ice cream. I can't say when this purchase was made, but the fact that the day we sacrificially donate to others we receive a nearly matching gift in ice cream was not lost on me.
- Later that week we also received an unexpected gift in the form of plastic cards that let us get food at a local restaurant without paying cash monies. Those are some of my favorite cards.
We took a small risk and almost immediately had four opportunities to say God, thank you for taking care of us. Fast forward a few nights to Kristi and I sitting on the couch. Opposite couches actually so if you are totally grossed out by romance you can keep reading. Kristi's job situation has changed a little bit so her income is down, especially now as her hours are at a bare minimum. We ended up spending an hour talking about what to do and what changes might need to be made and after all of that was said and done I believe I said something profound like "I don't know honey, I do know God has got this and we just need to trust Him."
I feel the need to interject here that I'm not lounging on the couch in my silk robe sipping on a scotch and griping that my portfolio is down because Trump said the dollar was too strong. I'm genuinely unsure of what comes next and I am at the same time working hard to come up with the answer on my own (how's that for trust). All this to say, we are not expecting a hand out, we've got to do the work. - 5 SVD points for catching that quote...
So, on the couch worried about the future and putting our trust in God while staying up way too late for old people like us. Then came the mail Wednesday afternoon. While we were talking on the couch I'm pretty sure God was sitting back and smiling at us and saying "I've got this". I say that because prior to our late night break down, my Grandfather had put a check in the mail and sent it to us. I don't share this to make light of him, but he has decided to write one check per person each year to cover birthday and Christmas gifts because his eye sight is declining and the process is quite cumbersome for him. However, on Sunday or Monday he felt that helping us financially with our new son was something he could do and he decided to do it regardless of the effort it took him. I'm rambling a bit.... we worried Tuesday but already Grandpa's check was in the mail. Wow.
So what is the point? The point is that for the last 364 days (Brad's sermon that got adoption rolling was 4/24) Kristi and I have had to give things to God and let Him show us the way. Every time we asked God to help us get through tomorrow, He has in his own way. It isn't always money or stuff. In fact I'm sure there are times we completely missed the message in the frenetic pace of life. In our times of need and worry God has given us the strength for today and a hope for tomorrow. I think that is important because that means each day we have to ask again for His blessing, He doesn't want us to get too comfortable and forget to ask after all.
To wrap this up I simply say this. The God we trusted to help us bring our boy home is real. He has provided for us in the good, the bad, and the uncomfortable. If you don't believe that then I hope you can His works someday soon. Until then. Here are some pictures of children because this has been a lot of words with no visuals.
