Ahhhhh... the weekend.
It starts with the sounds of eight little footsteps rumbling down the stairs to greet the day full of hope and energy. The buildup continues through a breakfast that would make a short order cook's toe nails cringe as he (or she) let's out an exasperated sigh wondering how he (or again she) ended up here. As the day progresses breakfast turns into the quagmire of time after eating but much too long before the next part of the day's activities and the pressure and stress continues to bubble up. As we all head outside to play, explore, ride things with pedals, appreciate our cat's latest kill, or just sit and watch as we take turns doing "flips" on the trampoline things start to feel better. The stress subsides and for a minute it looks like all will be well in the world. Throw in a quick lunch and continue time outside and now everyone is full of fresh air, a glossy sheen of sweat proving that all the things were conquered, afternoon turns to evening and dinner time. It is a good day to make it to dinner time before the pointing, questions, attitudes, and spilt milk turn the metaphorical heat up to 11 and it just becomes too much. Now the dinner hour is serenaded with the sounds of yelling, screaming, dancing, wild gesticulating, and a final shout of "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH"?
And that's just me. Imagine how Joshua feels.
As Joshua and I fought for bedtime supremacy, I finally won, I was thinking of a fantastic zinger of a one-liner and for now I think I have it. Nobody has the power to make you look like a raging lunatic quite like your own children. Even your adopted ones.
I chose the word even instead of especially because I think that is the most fair depiction of the truth. Yes, Joshua tests me in ways that the other children don't or at least haven't in quite some time. On the other hand, the other three kids are exhibiting odd behaviors. Physical altercations, selfishness, manipulation, etc. It sounds bad but it really means two things.
1. We are alive.
2. We are sinful humans.
Throw in the consideration that we are all healthy enough to go outside and have a little fun and I'll take it.
Anyway this isn't about how loud, how often, or who I flip out over. This is to document my life so I can laugh at it later, and so hopefully someone thinks this sounds just like them and doesn't feel alone.
The reality is it has been a busy but good week. The kids and Joshua are bonding with each other and on top of it there are little neighborhood relationships growing too. In fact a local boy was on the trampoline talking with Kayleigh when he heard we were going for a bike ride. Kayleigh was upset. Neighbor boy asked mom and dad if he could join us. This too is being documented for the future. Kayleigh was less than thrilled when I brought it up at dinner tonight. Our bike ride took us to a local elementary school where Joshua conquered his fear of slides, and Kristi breathed an ecstatic breath of relief because kids who ride slides don't need their mommies as often on the playground. FREEDOM!
While Ben and the neighbor boy that came along for the ride invited themselves into a local kickball game, Madeleine learned how to crawl across the arched monkey bars. I'm not sure that's the technical name but it's an upside down U that kids are supposed to climb up and over without smashing their teeth out. Now that I think of it I'm surprised such things are still allowed at schools, but alas they are and she is turning into quite the little monkey. She and I worked together using words only and she learned to crawl to the top of the U, bear crawl/shuffle around, and then climb down. She was so happy and I was proud to see her learn something new.
Tomorrow Joshua gets the Gary Sheffield treatment. That means he's getting shots... Google "Gary Sheffield, Shots, butt" don't worry it will be safe for work. We aren't quite sure how many shots he'll need but we did get an injection punch card in the mail so the 10th one will be free. As parents we've always been a little torn on shots. On the one hand it hurts. On the other hand they are necessary and it usually helps the kids sleep better the following night. I suppose that means 1-bad vs. 2-"good" so yay shots. I doubt it will be nearly as painful as the blood draw he had in Guangzhou where they didn't even let the parents into the room. "Hey stranger, let me take your adopted kid into this room where he can't see you (or you him) and never mind the sounds that echo under the door, he's fine. Really."
Well this has been quite the ramble. I think I really just wanted to share that my kids make me look like a raging lunatic sometimes. If it weren't for genetics I'd blame my hair loss on the kids... maybe I still can. On a positive note, I did have a friendly little guy who likes to do wheelies hep me on my run today:
USA looks good on him right?
The First Week Home
Kristi is hard at it tonight writing up her thoughts on one things or another. I could ask her but it would be more fun if you just read it yourself. I'm guessing her insight will be more robust than mine, and in fact he had his first state side medical visit earlier this week that is probably best detailed by my wife.
Update: I assumed my wife was writing about his health so I wrote the previous and following lines. I then told her that I assumed she was writing about the doctor and she said "Nope". So let's just agree that at some point we'll give you the proper details, it just won't be tonight as I assumed. Shame on me.
Spoiler: There are a few "surprises", but overall he's as healthy as we expected and the doctor even mentioned his belly as proof that he was well cared for. Future tests and scans will provide additional direction on how to best address his current and future health needs... but again, he's a pretty healthy and pretty cool dude. I mean, who else can rock sun glasses with one ear? (Credit to Kristi for both the photo and the placement of the glasses)
It seems that the question of the week has been "how are you doing with your jet lag?" To be honest, I don't know. Kristi and I have had an incredibly fulfilling, frustrating, frightening, and fun week. Most nights neither one of us is able to sleep for any extended amount of time due to the children, so I can't tell if I'm jet lagged, exhausted, or both. Joshua is like a new born in the body of a toddler with the brain of a four year old. He goes to bed well but after 11:00pm all bets are off. Some nights he'll get to 6:00am, other nights he likes to party every hour on the hour. Thankfully Kristi has taken more than her fair share of the early morning child wrestling.
Joshua also runs around the house with the spirit and craziness of a toddler, but with better coordination, speed, and destructive skills. He is also incredibly adept at recognizing patterns. As a family we hold hands and pray before dinner and even though he's always ravenous he sits in his chair and spreads his arms while bowing his head even while the rest of us scramble to sit. I also hear he's pretty good at some simple clean up and other routine things around the home. He also seems to be doing quite well with the neighborhood kids. He at least tolerates new people and spent a few minutes on the trampoline this weekend.
Today we also managed to take all the kids on a short hike at Van Raalte Farm. All of the kids had fun, most of them stayed dry, and no one got lost. For too long. Here are a few highlights.
The photo of Kristi and I on the bench, with Ben wiggling behind us and Joshua trying to get up on Kristi's lap pretty much sums up the week. Joshua trying to get Kristi's attention, me trying to hold Kristi's attention, and the rest of the kids just kind of doing their own thing in the background.
I know you aren't supposed to write anything on the Internet if you don't want people to read it, misinterpret it, or use it against you at an inopportune time. I'm going to anyway with this caveat: I find there to be an interesting juxtaposition between our blessings, our happy times, the sad times and struggling of others, and the outright feeling that I'm tired and frustrated with a few things. I do not take for granted the blessings that have been bestowed upon my family, nor do I want to make light of the struggles of others. I just want to share my thoughts a little bit.
In reality I have it easy. I get up, kiss all four kids good bye and go off to my safe space. Work. At work I get to sit at my desk and interact with clients who are interested in our new son, and I even get to help a few clients out with problems of their own. Most days I love solving IT problems for my clients and it was a welcome relief to get back to it this week. I'm also quite happy to say that I don't think I royally messed anything up. If I'm correct, I've done way worse things fully coherent and rested than I did this last week. That said, I'll honestly admit I wasn't up to full strength at all. Having been out of the office for nearly three weeks it is hard to remember the day to day things that had been happening prior to the trip and that was a little frustrating, but I also felt like I had a few moments of clear thought from a fresh perspective. After work, I come home to eat dinner, play with the kids and then put them to bed. Wash, rinse, repeat all week long. Kristi is the saint who is at home with the kids, or driving them around, or trying to figure out what to do with two sick kids and two healthy and wired kids during a rainy first day of spring break. I cannot tell you how excited I was for work on Friday. As a fun side note, I also honked at a car while driving this week just to make it feel like I was back in China.
As I review the last week, and again I get to play work so I have it easy, I'd say that Joshua is doing about as well as expected. He's social, full of life, eats wells, empties well, and overall is adjusting pretty well. Sure he screams, throws tantrums, waves his arms and yells incoherently, but so do I. The real surprise, to me at least, was the behavior of the rest of our children. In my mind we were to go to China and bring back a boy and Ben would be a good boy because he got to spend the whole time with us, and the girls would be happy we were back even though they had fun with the grand parents. I think I underestimated the change a new member of the family brings. Each child is simply coping in their own way. In the midst of parenting one slightly needier child, we now have a total of four kids who each need a little extra grace now and then as they figure out what this all means. To put this in simple terms each child knows the rules and the expectations and I'd say they are slightly less compliant with the rules and expectations. We have three little role models for Joshua and I (see this is really my problem) wasn't ready for the role models to need a little time to warm up to their responsibility. No one is really being a big stinker, just a lot of little things that add up over time.
So what to do? I could wine about it but that seems fruitless. Actually, Kristi and a daughter got to spend time at Beauty and the Beast over the weekend, and Kristi will take the other daughter for a manicure or pedicure or something next weekend. I should say that the movie itself was great, because Joshua, Ben, and another daughter went with me to run a few errands. The fact that Joshua didn't thrown a complete tantrum without mom is a pretty good indication that he's attaching to the family pretty well, even though he prefers Mom about 1,000,000:1. I'll make time to spend an hour or two of daddy/daughter time with the girls at some point in the next week or two. It is amazing how one extra busy body makes planning a night or afternoon out that much more difficult.Ben too is having a few issues, but as a true man he just eats them and doesn't say anything... his behavior lets us know something is up, but I suppose he too is dealing with jet lag, going back to school, and a new bunk mate.
I guess I could have summed this all up by saying we aren't sleeping well, our kids are coping, and we're just tired. Tired, but incredibly blessed. Kristi mentioned last night that despite all the "MOMMA, MOMMA, MOMMA, MOOOOMMMMAAAA" shouting she hears during the day, the belly laugh of Josh is a sweet an encouraging sound to hear. As I think we've both said before he fits in so well in our family.
Week one is in the books and we survived. We've had one wet bed, one lost tooth, one fell out of bed and got stuck between the mattress and the bookshelf, a handful of scoldings, a bevy of belly laughs, and despite the fact that I can barely understand a single thing that comes out of that boy's mouth, he feels like he's been here forever. Here's to week two.
Homecoming
“Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God. ”
Cheering on the Wolverines from China. I guess we didn't cheer loudly enough.
The morning started similar to all the other mornings in China. Get up, get dressed, and eat a huge breakfast. Again. Although today was a little different in that we had to pack up our belongings as well because today is the day WE GO HOME. I wasn't too excited to get home to my non-filtered fast Internet, potable water, or our own washer and dryer. Nope, not one bit. (cue my daughter saying "Sarcastic")
At 10:30 Friday morning in Guangzhou we packed into a van and took an hour long trip to the airport. I'm convinced we took the most obscure way to get there as I'm certain the driver was doing a wide figure 8 through town before finally getting to the airport. We made it, and after correcting our guide as to our flight and airline we found our counter and received our tickets to Beijing. We were a little surprised that our guide thought we were on the 1:35 flight on China Air when in fact we were the 1:00 flight on China Southern. She kept her cool but I think she too was worried about us making the flight. On the bright side, if you are reading this it is obvious we made it. We got through security, raced to our gate, and only had to wait 15 minutes before boarding the bus. I took a picture of our bus to show you all how bad Southwest really could be.
Herding us in like cattle I almost moo'd.
With the exception of Kristi being selected for a first class seat the flight from Guangzhou to Beijing was as expected. Busy with a first time flier and otherwise boring. I'm not sure what happened, but somehow Ms. Lady Flyer had met Mr. Right but he was in coach and she was in first class. She offered up her first class seat to anyone willing to give her a seat next to Mr. Right. We managed to get the three boys in a row and Kristi took the first class cabin and felt woefully out of place, and guilty. She shouldn't have, she deserved at least a few minutes of peace. As for Ms. Flyer and Mr. Right... not sure why they were in different cabins. Perhaps he had had enough and needed some alone time, maybe we didn't do him a favor after all. Maybe... but napping on each other's shoulders suggest otherwise.
Upon landing in Beijing we bussed from the plane to the terminal where we met our "angel" for the afternoon. A China Southern employee holding a sign "Delta Flight 188 - Detroit". With 90 minutes to get from plane to plane it was a relief to get some hand holding. It was still a bit of a rush but with his help we (and 10 others) made the connecting flight from Beijing to Detroit. At this point we could all breathe easily as we knew we were at least getting into the country. During the flight I won a round of Texas Hold'em ($2,700 fake dollars!), watched Batman vs. Superman (like this blog a poorly developed script), and listened to Steven Tyler's Country album which I'd rate as the Gigli of country albums.
Joshua likes penne so much, he ate it right out of the container. Hooray airplane food.
Detroit brought customs and immigration which we were a little worried about. If things were going to go wrong here it meant 14 hours in the air back to China to get things straightened out and another 14 hours home. Thankfully all of our paper work was in order and we sailed through fairly quickly. After passing through a final security check we hopped on the escalators and ascended to the Detroit Sauna. It seems as though no one anticipated a bright 70 degree day in Detroit and thus the airport terminal was pushing the 75-80 degree mark (Again, 82% of numbers are made up on the Internet) and we were smoking. We made our obligatory stop at Chick-Fil-A, sent out annoying "look at us" Facebook posts and generally were just glad to be back in the US and A. Finally, 24 hours after leaving the hotel we hopped on a plane from Detroit to Chicago where we landed to this:
Our parents met us in Chicago with the kids and we were met with hugs and a short hotel stay. We had made it.
As I am writing this on Monday evening it has been about 96 hours since we left Guangzhou and I think I remember about three of the hours. Joshua has been doing incredibly well in our home and with our daughters. I'm sure there are technical terms that I should have learned long ago, but the boy seems to be attaching well, eating well, evacuating just fine, burping like a boy to perfection, and fighting bed time like a champ. For all the worries, what ifs, and uncertainties we found a boy 6,000+ miles away who is going to fit into this family just fine. I like to think that his birth mom wanted to keep him, but for some reason just simply couldn't. I hope that someday she discovers what a cool kid her son is and that despite his tough beginnings he's a happy boy who is full of energy.
The quote I shared at the top of the post was shared during a sermon last April. Along with that quote Pastor Brad shared that "our greatest stories happen in the unknown". At some point during that sermon I became clearly aware that we were going to adopt a child. We were going to trust a known God to help us with our big unknown of adoption and He provided at every turn. Our gate agent angel, funds when we needed them, straight down to the personality of our Joshua He has provided. Hopefully we can share more stories about our family of six as we figure this all out. So far Josh has spent more time at fancy hotels with big buffets than he has with us, but by Sunday that will all have changed and life will start to look like a pattern to him (I Hope). For now though, thanks for following and enjoy a few more photos.
Josh and Madeleine with Grandma. Poor guy has no clue what it is going to mean being her brother.
Our newly expanded family of six.
Post swim Starbucks to start our drive home.
That's All Folks
Adoptive Family Reception at The Garden
Aside from finishing this blog and the packing I have yet to do, the week is basically over. Sure there is the travel tomorrow but that's kind of a non-issue. Either you get home or you don't. All we can do is make sure we are in the right spot at the right time. If we mis a flight or something happens we can always stay another night right? (Don't tell Kristi I said that)
I started this post with a video to show you the glamorous side of things. How much we get wined and dined as adoptive families sitting in a gorgeous lounge inside from a 38-foot manmade waterfall. It's our little respite in the middle of a highly populated city filled with honking taxis, confusing traffic patterns, and bicyclists 2nd to craziness only to the Netherlands. It is quite the life I tell ya. To be honest we've had a great stay in Guangzhou and were quite tickled to be invited to the reception, they even had mini-hotdogs and chicken wings.
Then there is the other side of life that we (Kristi) are ready to be done with. Hotel living ain't all its cracked up to be. I'm sure those of you with the big corporate expense account don't have to worry about the trivial things such as $6.50 cans of coke (2 bottle for $5.50 across the street at 7/11, also in RMB not American Dollars) or where you're going to eat your lunch. However, being raised in my family meant you appreciated the free things and filled in the rest as economically as you could. We've done so by borrowing knives for peanut butter sandwiches and purchasing other small groceries to fill in lunches. We alternated meals going between Western and Chinese foods which meant higher and lower priced meals out and about. Actually, it turns out you can feed a family for $8-$15 quite nicely if you choose to eat noodles. All of this explanation to lead up to the big finale. Moments before our fancy wine and dine I was watching a movie, half-heartedly watching kids, and Kristi was doing this:
Hair Dryer meet Sock.
This is by no means a complaint, simply an observation of the many dichotomies experienced while on an adoption trip. We had a great couple of weeks so far and are ready to go home. I'm still thinking through a super big deep (snooze fest alert) post but for tonight I have a wife to pay attention to, packing to complete, and I think there are some snacks that need to be eaten. Thanks for following the past two weeks and I hope to keep up on at least a semi-regular basis sharing thoughts on adoption, the color of the neighbors grass, and if I'm jet-lagged enough maybe even politics. Until them these are my priorities for the next 37 hours.
- Iron/Hair dry clothes until they are "dry enough"
- Pack
- Hug wife
- Leave China
- Slip customs a crips George Washington so we get preferential treatment
- Eat Chik-Fil-A
- Drink Starbucks using a gift card rather than cash
- Hug my daughters
- Sleep
- Enjoy my family of six. Hey that's enough for a hockey team!
Thanks again for the follows, here are a few final highlights of the night. See you all again in EST.
Joshua. With his dad and his food.
Three wild and crazy guys. And Joshua, with his food. (Ok the Macaroeons are mine)
We were going for adorable and got this instead. Also, notice the food.
Momma and her boys. Joshua and his food.