From the this will probably get you fired soon file:

I like helping people. At least I think I do, you see in my head I envision myself going around and speaking, helping, teaching and learning with others about technology and what it can do for them. However most days I find myself avoiding people because I have too much made up busy work to do, or because they are asking for help with something for the 38th time this month. No, I don't know why Outlook isn't sending your mail. Just close the program and reopen it, if that doesn't work reboot and everything should be fine... Thanks Microsoft you pay extra for this feature. So here I am being asked to help people at work, while also maintaining all the other little computer related things in the building. It's not that I don't' like the job or that I'm ungrateful, I just think there is something more that I should be doing. It's been a job with annual salary increases and a decent benefits package, which considering the rest of the world is something to be thankful for.

I was hired in 2004, worked with another guy until 2006 when he retired. In 2007 I got a new boss, who in my opinion, helped decimate the place into a shell of what it used to be. Suffice it to say towards the end of his time I was doing all I could to keep my mouth shut so I wasn't asked to follow him out the door. That's a story for later, I just thought I'd slip it in and use it to suggest that I wasn't happy, and I wasn't asked to do much.

Last fall I got another new boss, a volunteer boss, and a boss who had a clue. I don't always agree with him, but for once when I don't agree I at least can understand where he is coming from and I can respect that. He's challenged me, called me out and made me feel like I matter. Like I can make a difference around this place. I'm not sure I see it yet, but I appreciated his support. Earlier this summer I got a 2nd new boss. Not a replacement, just an addition. He too thinks I can do great things and has empowered me to do some. Maybe too many. Or maybe just too many for me to be comfortable with. I'm pretty good at being busy with things that need to be done, even though perhaps they could be done more efficiently, no that's not right... I'm just afraid of trying these new things because it means more work, more discomfort, and of course more responsibility. So basically, same old job, many new aspects of job, two bosses who believe in me. Life is great right? Well, kind of.

I think I want to go home. I don't really know where exactly home is. My parents and in-laws both live an hour from me and 40 minutes from each other. Ever since we've been married my wife and I have been plotting how we are going to get back home. That's where our friends are, our family are there too. We haven't settled down here entirely because we've always thought about going home. We have a daughter now, she's going to preschool next fall. This is the only home she knows, yet we want to go to a different home. I found a new job. It's much closer to home. Everything we do as a family is 60-80 minutes from our house. If I got this new job we could potentially move and be 20-40 minutes from everything. Everything. That sounds nice. I haven't got the job yet. Heck, I haven't even been asked to interview. But I have a problem. I'm torn.

Torn between going home, wherever that is, and working at a new place with new people in a new environment I'm afraid I won't be good at. Or, I could stay where I am and keep doing what I've been doing while at the same time trying to do much more because that is what you do. Is the grass really greener closer to friends and family? I don't know. I do know my carbon footprint would be greener and my wallet greener too. Am I turning my back on the two people who believe in me? Finally, after 7 years two people think I can actually do something and I want to prove them right. I actually have a chance to leave a massive mark on this institution and I want desperately to prove that I have what it takes.

So the age old question. Do I stay here because I want to honor the thoughts, wishes, and dreams that other people have for me. The people going out on a limb for me? Or in a twist of irony do I take their advice and step up, and step out into another position? Well... assuming I get the position, or even an interview.

I wish I knew the answer.

I know God knows the answer. I need to learn to let him worry about this stuff and I can just follow as He leads. I just wish I could stop checking Google Analytics to see if the potential employer has viewed my page. Yes, I'm that pathetic.

If I ever blog again, maybe I'll share the answer. For now, I'm getting a snack.