This post is probably just going to be a brain explosion, because explosion sounds cooler than brain dump... but first watch this: 

If you watched the video, good for you. If you didn't then you really ought to take the time to do so. It's 20 minutes that you'll never get back, but it's probably worth it. 

This Christmas my wife did the impossible and bought me a gift. I say impossible because I have everything I want (and can afford), and the other things I want we simply shouldn't' be purchasing because the money is better used elsewhere. So instead she gave me a number of Thursday night from the end of work to 9:00pm during which I cannot come home. Never mind she's likely shuffling kids from dinner to swim practice to bed all alone (and Thursdays are THE WORST days of the week) so this is pretty cool. During this time I get to do anything I want. Last week I spent time getting our budget figured out and started chapter one of the book we want to write. This week was nearly passing out at the gym and a trip to Starbucks to write this drivel and people watch. Kristi also gave me a cool Moleskine 18-month planner and mentioned to the kids that daddy has lots of thoughts and sometimes just needs time to think about them. Whoa... she's right but that was two weeks ago when I was still allowed to go home on Thursday nights. Now my thoughts have dried up because I feel the "pressure" of producing something with my time. Gym time and errands are important, but I now feel the need to produce something tangible, generous, or meaningful. No burden there. 

To be fair this pressure is all put on me by the man in the mirror, not at all by my wife. 

So here I sit at my local Starbucks (Howard wrote a good book) fighting with what to do with my time. In a sea of choices which one do I choose? Hey, I'll start my own business/side hustle/passive income that's easy right? Well... back to choices like: 

  • After school coding club or a club that focuses on the trades. I'm not a genius but if life is cyclical then I'm guessing we are at the cusp of moving from a knowledge work place to a skills work place in the next few years. I asked Kristi what I should do a few weeks ago and she hesitantly mentioned I should teach. Probably because she knew I didn't want to hear it... but I do well with the children. As another aside see David's Ted Talk and another good book.
  • My own IT company which sounds super cool, but I've done good work with my current company and I'd hate to throw that away. AND... the whole wife and four kids to support thing. 
  • Coaching sounds cool. I like listening to people, I like solving problems, but it seems like being a coach comes with a lot of responsibility. To be fair though I have many books on my shelves of rich particle board that deal with business and people management. So if I don't' know the answer, I can probably find a book that does. So can a library. 
  • Anything. Not because someone once said I could be anything I wanted if I just put my mind to it, but because short of working with animals I'm a curious guy. 

So there are a few ideas I'm struggling with. Which is really just a facade to suggest that perhaps (ha perhaps...) I struggle with self-confidence. I love having fun and joking, as long as I'm in control. People who have met me since marriage may know the progression. Basically it starts out quiet and shy and slowly progresses to more open and boisterous. 

This is all I have time for. I want to go home as it is 15 minutes before I'm allowed to walk in the door again. A brain explosion, meaning I'm 37 and don't know what I want to do with my life when I grow up. Ha. Thanks for reading. This is not a cry for help, nor an announcement that I'm quitting a job and starting something on my own. Just a few thought written down.